|Miscellany: A Flatpoint Phylum
Art Imitates Life Imitates Art: (see also, the Florrie Fisher category below)
- Old Habits, New Beginnings
When Stephen Colbert was in the eighth grade his teacher warned the class never to do acid because he knew of a boy who took acid, thought himself to be a bumblebee, and tried to force himself through a keyhole. [Art Imitates Life]
- Dreams On the Rocks By a strange coincidence, after this episode was written, but before it went into production, a small town in Maine staged an all-white production of Raisin in the Sun because there were no black people living in the community. [Life Imitates Art]
- Dreams On the Rocks Jellineck feeding lines to Jerri onstage was inspired by the fact that Paul, Stephen, and others often had to do the same for Amy. [Art Imitates Life]
- Hit and Run
Jellineck's face, which was torn off, is transplanted back on to his skull. In 2005 a French woman became the first person to have a real face transplant. [Life Imitates Art]
- Old Habits, New Beginnings Jellineck shows Jerri a little bit of Americana that he's painting for Drug Awareness Week. The piece is entitled "The Battle of Miami" and it shows Christopher Columbus battling the Pilgrims as they attempted to land.
- A Burden's Burden Coach Wolf teaches her class about the responsibilities and difficulties of raising a baby by giving them an actual baby.
- Dreams on the Rocks Noblet tells his class that, "after his violent revolution, Gandhi was devoured by his followers."
- To Love, Honor, and Pretend The lesson from Cherri's fake marriage experiment is that marriage is a sham for fools, and for failing at it Jerri and Ronnie Leggett each earned an A+ (OK, so maybe this isn't bad teaching after all.)
- A Price Too High For Riches Noblet talks to his class about hillbillies, Okies, tramps, hoboes, and gypsies; teaching them that the poor are dangerous.
- Jerri's Burning Issue Noblet tells his class that Eliot Ness finally took Al Capone down by dressing as a call girl and infecting him with syphilis, which eventually killed him. He goes on to explain that syphilis also wiped out the Romanovs, and it decimated our fleet at Pearl Harbor. He also tells the tale of how Fidel Castro impersonated Marilyn Monroe and gave president John F. Kennedy a case of syphilis so severe that eventually it blew the back of his head off. He then asks if anyone can explain how Mark David Chapman gave John Lennon syphilis.
- Is Freedom Free? Jellineck tells Jerri about how great freedom fighters are always persecuted, like when they shot Gandhi in the stomach, or when they shot Martin Luther King in the head, or when Bobby Kennedy drowned in a car accident while his brother was driving.
- Trail of Tears Noblet tells his class that a peaceful, napping General Custer was murdered in his sleep by bloodthirsty Indians while he was on a family camping trip.
- Invisible Love Noblet asks his class what Shakespeare was trying to say at the end of West Side Story when he had the lovers strangle each other. He explains that death is preferable than having your secret relationship revealed.
Blackboard, Noblet's class:
First Season Asian, White, Black (or Serbs), Indians (or Jamaicans), Fillipinos, Other,
AlbinoOld Habits, New Beginnings Custer vs. Cortez Who would win?
|Who Wants Cake? ||DEFINITELY|
| ||NOT || ||Asian ||||
Feather in the Storm Kennedy vs. Nixon Innie vs. Outtie
|Yes, You Can't ||ROCK|
|Note: This text was replaced mid-scene with|
the text below, but then it switched back.
The Civil Rights Act 1972
Equality for women,
Equal (Noblet's head) conditions
|The Blank Page ||Books|
says: "Read a book
Invisible Love " Secret Lovers "
|Is My Daddy Crazy? ||Probation|
| || |
| || Low Blow|
Blackboard, Coach Wolf's class:
|A Burden's Burden ||Before|
Bogie Nights Pyramid, Tarmac, The Bolt, Heart, Arrow, Star
(drawings representing each word appeared underneath)Jerri is Only Skin Deep Rouge, Eye Liner, Concealer, Foundation, Lip Gloss
Corner Pharmacy (drug references):
- Old Habits, New Beginnings Officer Savillion: doobies, powdered and crack cocaine, goofballs, peyote, amphetamines, mood stabilizers; Jerri Blank: hash, Thai stick, palmful of goofballs, hot load of mescaline crumbled into a tumbler of ether with a float of percocet jimmies, ounce of tic, "cooking my breakfast up in a teaspoon", glint; Principal Blackman: L-Glutamine, selenium sulphide
- Dreams on the Rocks Sara puts on the Peter Pan costume from her glory days on the stage.
- Dreams on the Rocks Jerri, Craig Snow, and Susan Cream are costumed to portray characters in "A Raisin in the Sun", while a bunch of African American students are dressed as trees and other props.
- Bogie Nights Flatpoint students and teachers dress in golf clothes for the Bogie Nights golf-themed dance.
- Let Freedom Ring Onyx dresses as an ice hockey goalie, a Founding Father, an astronaut, a surgeon, a patient, a lawn jockey, Jesus, and a squirrel in the racism film that he and Percy Kittens make.
- Jerri is Only Skin Deep Jerri dresses as a clown to entertain the "crippled boy".
- Yes, You Can't The Career Wizard is brought in to inspire Flatpoint students.
- Yes, You Can't Robots on the Career Simulator Wagon are dressed as a banker, a doctor, a priest, and an Eterna-Spring employee.
- The Goodbye Guy Noblet dresses as a clown for his much-anticipated annual Clown Class.
- Jerri's Burning Issue Students dress as skanks, ho's, and STD Clinic nurses.
- Trail of Tears Jerri hits the Tweetzie Railroad Indian in the head with a rock.
- Trail of Tears Jerri dresses as an Indian and other students play Pilgrims in the Semi-Annual Thanksgiving Pageant.
- Is My Daddy Crazy? The father of one of Noblet's students brings in a man wearing a Captain Stacks pirate costume to serve complimentary cups of rum to the class.
- Ask Jerri Jellineck wears a boy scout uniform at the roller rink. (Note: Paul Dinello and Amy Sedaris gave this to me in May 2003. Paul can be seen wearing it here and Amy can be seen wearing it here.)
- The Last Temptation of Blank Tammi, Orlando, and Sylvia wear their Dungeons & Dragons costumes.
- Old Habits, New Beginnings In the opening scene in the gym, when Jerri is addressing the camera directly, the people around her change from shot to shot.
- Bogie Nights If Ricky is only 15 he shouldn't have a drivers license or be driving a vehicle without being accompanied by a licensed driver.
E.S.L. (English as a Slaughtered Language)
- Retardation: A Celebration and Old Habits, New Beginnings guttersnipe: Jerri says "gutter hypes" (this misnomer was actually lifted directly from Florrie Fisher's rant in the "scared straight" public service film, "The Trip Back").
- A Burden's Burden apologize: When Jerri tries to express to Tammi the sentiment, "I want to apologize," she actually says, "I wanna 'pologize," dropping the "a" from the beginning of the last word.
- A Burden's Burden is/are: At the park, Jerri says to Dizzy, "One of these people are bound to pick you up," but she should have said, "One of these people is bound to pick you up." The verb should match "one of", not "people".
- A Burden's Burden mischievous: Geoffrey uses the common four-syllable mispronunciation, "mis-CHEE-vee-us", instead of the proper three-syllable "MIS-chi-vus".
- Bogie Nights cummerbund: Derrick makes the common mistake of saying "cumberbun".
- Feather in the Storm real/really: After talking to Lizzy Abrams on the phone Jerri says, "I'm real scared," but she probably meant, "I'm really scared." The word real connotes authenticity ("Is that monkey's paw made with real fur?"), while really is used to mean very ("I'm really in a k-hole.").
- Feather in the Storm caramel: Blackman uses the common, incorrect pronunciation, "car-MEL".
- Jerri is Only Skin Deep Jerri says, "Thank you Jesus, Daddy, and the spook," but the expression is actually "Thank you Daddy, Junior, and the spook" (this is a joke reference to Christianity's Holy Trinity, "the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit").
- The Trip Back a/an: Jerri says, "Never talk about your marijuana exploits in front of a undercover cop," instead of, "an undercover cop."
- The Goodbye Guy mischievous: Noblet pronounces it as "mischiefous".
- The Blank Page erroneously: Onyx says that "Every student macaroniously believes that their teacher hates them", thereby coining one of my favorite Flatpointisms.
- Blank Stare, Part 1 memorable: Jerri anticipates passing a "memberable stool".
- Trail of Tears apologize: Jerri tells Wendell, "Now that I need something from you, I wanna 'pologize," instead of, "I want to apologize."
- Ask Jerri I/me: Jerri tells Sara, "Mr. Noblet asked Sydney and I to work on the paper," but she should have said, "Sydney and me."
- There Once Was a Blank From Nantucket whatever or whatsoever: Jazzy says "whatsomever".
- There Once Was a Blank From Nantucket apologize: Jerri says to Miles, "I wanna 'pologize for my sweet and sour behavior," instead of, "I want to apologize."
Florrie Fisher: The Real Jerri Blank
Florence "Florrie" Fisher was born to a pair of European immigrants on September 18, 1918 and was raised on 64th Street in Bensonhurst, a middle-class neighborhood in Brooklyn, New York. Her father Morris (called Max within the family), a Russian Jew, was an agent for Metropolitan Life. Florrie became a drug addict in the early 1940s, prostituted herself to support her drug habit, repeatedly did time in prison (New York's House of Detention, Bedford, Raiford, Lowell, Jersey City), cleaned herself up in a cult-like rehabilitation program (called Synanon), and then went back to high school in her 40s. O.K., maybe she didn't return to high school as a student, but she did make appearances at schools as a motivational speaker in the 1960s and 70s in order to scare teens straight.
In the late 1930s, Florrie attended a big-city, Midwestern university, majoring in anthropology. She eloped to Connecticut with her fiance, Joe Rosinsky, three weeks before their formal wedding date. Rosinsky was a longtime friend whom she thought of as "good old, safe, dull, Joe." In less than a year, the marriage to collapsed, its disintegration hastened by the fact that Florrie had fallen for a local shopkeeper, Tony Pasqualle. As soon as she told the new man in her life that she was getting divorced from Rosinsky, Pasqualle told her that as a Catholic he could never marry a divorced woman.
A month after the divorce, Florrie's mother took her away to the Catskills for a vacation. While there, Florrie met David Bohm, who lied and told her he was 27 years old, but who was actually only 17. She fell for him instantly and the two soon married. Bohm was the man who introduced her to the world of drugs. When the two needed money to support their drug habits, Florrie, envious of the money that their prostitute friends were making, talked her young husband into allowing her to try her hand at the world's oldest profession. Eventually Bohm gave in to her requests and he acted as her pimp and protector. Florrie's heroin addiction, which Bohm tried to encourage her to quit, was the factor that broke up their marriage.
In 1955 her parents took her to live in Miami, Florida, in hopes that taking her away from her drug connection would help her to get clean. On October 16, 1955 she married Danny Orenstein, who had gotten her hooked on heroin again after she'd gotten the drug out of her system. This led to another series of incarcerations in Florida's Raiford and Lowell prisons.
Florrie and Orenstein drifted apart and she moved back to the mean streets of New York. In 1961 she met Manuel "Phil" Bacalad (aka Bocala or Bacolod) during yet another of her many stays at New York's House of Detention. He was there doing duct work for a sheet metal company. Florrie went to live with Phil after her release, but she cut ties with him when she went into the Synanon program to try to kick her heroin habit for once and for all. The two reconnected in the late 60s shortly after Florrie started to gain attention for her motivational speak speaking appearances in Florida, where she'd returned to live with her parents once again.
In the late 60s, Florrie made multiple TV appearances (David Susskind, "Girl Talk", Mike Douglas, etc.). In 1970 one of her high school appearances was filmed and produced as a public service by the New York Daily News (entitled "The Trip Back", this 28-minute film is available for purchase. See my F.A.Q. page). Her harrowing autobiography, The Lonely Trip Back, was then published in 1971 by Doubleday (Bantam published the paperback edition in 1972). Paul Dinello had seen a copy of the "scared straight" film and shared it with his colleagues, Stephen Colbert and Amy Sedaris. This led to the development of Jerri Blank and "Strangers With Candy". [To learn more about the show's development, go here].
Rumors abounded on the Internet regarding what became of Florrie and Phil after the early 70s. A woman named Laurie Lichtman, a drug addict who had gotten out of prison in 1969, had been given a copy of Fisher's book by her mother, who hoped that Florrie's example would be good for her young daughter. Instead, the book gave Lichtman ideas. She began robbing hotel rooms and one night, according to her, by a strange coincidence she broke into a room occupied by Florrie and her husband Phil. Lichtman says that Fisher took pity on her and she supposedly asked Phil to train Lichtman how to become a better cat burglar. Lichtman also claimed that despite Florrie's crusade to help youngsters, the old gal was "still in the game." Florrie was reportedly charged with narcotics possession in Miami in 1971 and with forgery and possession of stolen property in 1972. Hubby Phil became Laurie's new partner in crime. It has also been rumored on the Internet that good old Florrie was responsible for a burglary on August 9, 1978, at the Seasons hotel in Miami and at the condo of notorious mobster Meyer Lansky, but the source article at the Miami New Times quotes Laurie Lichtman as saying that only she, Phil, and a couple other mob guys pulled that double job. But whether Florrie was in on that burglary or not, Lichtman gave the impression that even late in life Florrie continued to do all the wrong things and, like Jerri Blank, she used her years of experience to try to do them the right way.
According to a visitor to my website, Florrie died in or near a small Montana town called Sidney. He told me that Florrie may have lived in the area of Fairview, North Dakota, or Glendive, Montana. My source, who was a teen-ager at the time, told me that Florrie died in the late 1980s (1988 or 1989). He believed that she was buried at the local cemetery in Sidney, MT, because he claimed to remember the funeral.
In the 1980s, this same source's father was a Lutheran minister/circuit preacher at Trinity Lutheran Church in Sidney, Montana, and tended two congregations twice a week in Sidney and Fairview. Florrie, a Jew, supposedly attended services occasionally (presumably to socialize) at the Trinity Lutheran Church. He claimed that she did not use her real name, but said that it was well known within the congregation who and what she was. He said that she was known to speak frankly about her former life, but only to the old female members of the congregation. She was not well liked, because she still had an obnoxious, hateful, abrasive, loud, and intensely grating personality. But she was well tolerated, because the women of the congregation felt sorry for her. Whether or not her stories were true, it was unmistakably clear that this woman was not playing with a full deck. She had crippling arthritis, walked with a cane that was regularly used as a pointer or for sentence punctuation, and chain smoked before and after services out of a nicotine-stained, stinking cigarette holder. In colder weather she'd wear a flagrantly fake, threadbare fur stole, which she wore simply because the geriatric farm women of the region would never have dreamed of doing so. She seemed to avoid attention, constantly looking over her shoulder, literally and metaphorically. Yet she seemed compelled to try to grab the room's attention by her loudness, grandiose gestures, profanity, movement, and manner of dress. My source praises Amy's performance as Jerri Blank, saying that she did an amazing job capturing the essence of the woman, given that she never actually met Florrie.
The population of Sidney is largely made up of old people, but is also home to a few young folks who are associated with the oil-drilling companies. Everyone else is either a Norwegian bachelor farmer or is immediately related to one. It is a burg of geriatrics, so my source claims that most of those who resided in the area in the 1970s and '80s should definitely be able to remember Florrie.
Florrie had a male companion that she referred to frequently, but whom no one ever saw. At the time, many people assumed that he was a fabrication (like Amy's imaginary boyfriend, Ricky), which was also assumed for many of her other stories.
She'd supposedly made the move to the Montana/North Dakota area because she'd fallen off the wagon after preaching to high school students about the dangers of drug use. After cleaning herself up, once again, she decided to move to a sleepy town where her past sins would be unimportant or uninteresting to the locals. Plus, it would be awfully difficult for her to find heroin in Montana. Amphetamines, sure, but heroin would be much trickier to come by. I'm told that while Florrie avoided getting her picture taken, there are probably a bunch of crowd shots in Trinity Lutheran Church's photo collections that would undoubtedly include her. My source says that if anyone were to go to that church and look through pictures from the '80s, he or she would almost certainly be able to spot Florrie. "Just look for any picture that features a potluck dinner. Florrie will probably be seen near the doorshe always needed to be near a fire exit where she could sneak a smoke."
[Update: January 2010] According the the March 1973 issue of The Rotarian, the Rotary Club's magazine: "Florrie Fisher died on May 26, 1972, in a Miami hospital. Her death came from cancer of the liver, kidney failure, and heart arrest; she had kept up with her many speaking engagements throughout the U.S.A. until nearly the end. Mrs. Fisher often said that if she talked to a thousand young people and saved one of them from drugs, then it was all worthwhile."
So it would seem that all of the legends of Florrie as a relapsed, geriatric cat burglar, as well as my source's recollections of Florrie's self-imposed exile to Montana, are all pure fantasy, or cases of mistaken identity... Unless, of course, The Rotarian was given false information. It's kind of fun to think like a conspiracy theorist and postulate that perhaps Florrie planted the false news of her death so she could go underground and resume a life of crime. I could probably check the Social Security Death Index to verify the May 26, 1972 death date, but part of me wants to just keep the myth alive.
Thanks to Allison Lansdowne for directing my attention to the interview in The Rotarian.
The following is a comparison between "Strangers With Candy" dialogue/situations and Florrie Fisher's own words from "The Trip Back" and The Lonely Trip Back. Some of the parallels are definitely intentional, but since Amy, Paul, and Stephen hadn't read the book until I gave them each a copy in June of 2003to give them inspiration while they were writing the script for the Strangers With Candy movieother similarities are just fortunate coincidences:
- Retardation: A Celebration Jerri Blank: "My stepmother still aggravates the hell out of me." [Florrie Fisher: "Every time my mother aggravates me, and sheís eighty years old and my dadís eighty-nine and, God bless them, they aggravate the hell out of me."]
- Retardation: A Celebration Jerri Blank: "Snark on him. Youíll be saving him from himself. Sure youíll stink of snitch, but if heís a Habitol freak now, tomorrow heíll be graduating to Dope Street hanging out with the gutter hypes and coming at you with a carpet knife. Drop a dime on him, baby!" [Florrie Fisher: "I know a Harlem where I laid on Dope Street. Iím sure itís still Dope Street, 117th Street." "If I had a friend who was smoking marijuana and I knew it, I wouldnít say, 'Hey, Jake. Iím gonna tell on you.' I would take his name, take his address, say heís smoking pot, andto use the expression of the streetsIíd 'drop a dime' on him."]
- Retardation: A Celebration Jerri Blank: "Mom, itís me Jerri, your daughter whoís been asked to be a rat fink..." [Florrie Fisher: "And... I repeat, be a rat fink."]
- Retardation: A Celebration and Old Habits, New Beginnings Jerri Blank: "My friends were dealers, cons, and 18-karat pimps." [Florrie Fisher: "Now I married a man... he smoked marijuana, this was his only crime. He was a young kid. He had two years of college. And you know what I did? I made a pimp out of him. An 18-karat pimp."]
- Retardation: A Celebration and Old Habits, New Beginnings Jerri Blank: "It was a cold and whistly November. I had been drinking all day and I was thrown by a horse. I had to have a laminectomy. They strapped me to this striker frame with an ice pick in my head, my spine fused, but it really doesnít matter because I was a raving maniac and my prognosis was nil. Now you all know the size of a king-size sheet, right? Try scampering down that in the dark on a stick of pot and a boot of scag." "History has taught us many things. For example, I canít smoke one stick of pot or take one needle of coke. One night, Iíll make this quick, one night I was thrown by a horse and I had to have a laminectomy. Now you all know the size of a king-size sheet, right? Well you try scrambling down that in the dark after a boot of scag or a snort of horse." [Florrie Fisher (I paraphrase): "All of you people who say LSD, if youíre emotionally stable it doesnít give you a bad trip. Itís a lie! I was thrown from a horse and I had a laminectomy and I ended up in the San Francisco General Hospital. I was operated on by the same doctor who operated on the late Jayne Mansfieldís son Zoltan when he was mauled by the lion. Well, while I was there they brought in a straight B student, twenty-one-year-old girl from the University of Southern California... Well, when I saw her, she was in the psychiatric ward. She had taken a trip on LSD and it was devastating... One of her college buddies came to visit her and bought her a cube of sugar which had LSD in it and she decided to escape. The avenue of escape she used was to go out the sixth floor window. How was she going to do that? She took one sheet, and even on a king-size bed Iím sure you all have an idea of the length of a sheet. With that length, she had to tie it to the bedpost and she lowered herself out the sixth floor. So of course she dropped five stories. When I saw her, she was on a striker frame... This girlís neck was broken in six places. I found out since that they have fused her spine and her neck and she will always be stiff. But it doesnít make any difference because she is a raving maniac and her prognosis is nil."]
- Retardation: A Celebration and Old Habits, New Beginnings Jerri talks about having to get a uterus scrape (she actually gets one in the original pilot). [In 1951 Florrie Fisher got pregnant by a lawyer named Jeff Frennel whom she'd been dating. She ended up getting an illegal abortion followed by a "D and C", dilation and curettage, which is a scraping of the uterus.]
- Old Habits, New Beginnings Jerri Blank: "I canít smoke one stick of pot or take one needle of coke." [Florrie Fisher: "I now know that I canít smoke one stick of pot. I canít take one snort of horse. I canít take one needle of cocaine because I am an addictive personality."]
- Old Habits, New Beginnings Jerri Blank: "I spent thirty-two years of my life selling my body for an ounce of tic, and cooking my breakfast up in a teaspoon, and hanging out with the gutter hypes." [Florrie Fisher: "...twenty-three years of living with nothing but gutter hypes and junkies." "Every day that I spent in jail I dreamt about the time I could cook my breakfast up in a teaspoon."]
- A Burden's Burden When Jerri and Tammi Littlenut are given the assignment of parenting baby Dizzy, Jerri adopts the role of the daddy and makes Tammi the mommy. [Florrie Fisher: "It was in jail that I learned to be a lesbian, both sides of it. How to be a mommy, and how to be a daddy."]
- Let Freedom Ring Jerri Blank: "The man locks ya in a tin box under the punishing Florida sun after cutting sugarcane all day soaking in your own filth. The smell was ridiculous." [Florrie Fisher: "...youíre thrown into a sardine can where you eat, and you sleep, and you mess on the floor, and you lay naked for male and female guards to check up on you. And in the morning, because the smell is ridiculous, they hose you out with a power hose."]
- Jerri Is Only Skin Deep Jerri Blank: "I was a pathological liar, and everything I'm saying is the truth." [Florrie Fisher: "I lied from the time I could talk. I was a pathological liar."]
- Jerri Is Only Skin Deep Jerri Blank: "If I bought a tan dress, Iíd have to have it in every color: in bone, in beige, in tan." [Florrie Fisher: "And thatís all I need is one of anything. Ya know I need one dress. If I happen to like this dress in tan, I buy the same dress in green and black and pink. This is the type of personality I am."]
- Jerri Is Only Skin Deep Jerri Blank: "Well Iím one tough cookie and I couldnít get away with it." [Florrie Fisher: "Now you know, you can be smart or you can be stupid. And I tell you, if you smoke marijuana, if you take speed, if you use any exhilarant or any depressant, youíre foolish. Because you canít get away with it, I assure you, Iím a pretty smart cookie." "You canít get away with it, Ďcause I repeat, Iím pretty smart and I couldnít get away with it."]
- Jerri Is Only Skin Deep Jerri Blank: "I couldnít hit the street scene with the squares, so Iíd shoot up a hot load right there, just so I could cope." [Florrie Fisher: "I canít make the street scene with the squares. I gotta be loaded."]
- Jerri Is Only Skin Deep Jerri Blank, to Yasmine Sarong, about Derrick: "You know he's gay, right?" [At the beginning of her book, Florrie admits to having an adversarial relationship with her brother Ivan, based upon her jealousy of the high esteem in which he was regarded by their parents. She confessed that when he had girlfriends over she'd sometimes get them alone and make comments to them to make them doubt his heterosexuality: "One poor girl ran from our living room crying, and never came back after I wondered aloud if she thought she could make Ivan like girls as much as he seemed to like boys."] (Note: Florrie never mentioned Ivan in the public service film, so since Amy, Paul, and Stephen hadn't read Florrie's book until 2003 this parallel between Florrie and Jerri is just one of those happy coincidences, just like the fact that Florrie's last husband, Manuel "Phil" Bacalad, was a Filipino.)
- The Trip Back (Note: the episode title itself was taken directly from the name of Florrie's public service film) Geoffrey Jellineck: "I know it feels good. I know weíve all read the scientific studies that say itís not addictive and that there are no side effects. But scientists donít smoke pot. We do. And thatís the difference." [Florrie Fisher: "Now I know you kids... have heard marijuana is not addictive. Well thatís true. Marijuana is NOT addictive! The doctors are telling you the truth. Marijuana is not physically addictive."]
- The Blank Page [Difference] Jerri Blank is illiterate! [Florrie Fisher majored in anthropology at a Midwestern state university.]
- Blank Stare Jerri joins a cult that tries to build up her self-esteem and make her happy. [Florrie Fisher credited an organization called Synanon, which many people consider to be a cult, with her recovery from drug addiction.]
- Jerri's Burning Issue [Difference] Jerri gets a multitude of sexually transmitted diseases. [In her autobiography Fisher claimed that she was lucky enough to have avoided ever contracting V.D.]
- Bully Jerri Blank: "Maybe my life wouldíve been different if I had someone to love me." [Florrie Fisher: "If I can make an impression on one, just one of you kids thatís here, thatís really all I want. Because if somebody somewhere had made an impression on me, maybe I wouldnítíve done it."]
Fourth Wall, Breaking down the... Jerri looks at the camera and says:
"Breaking down the fourth wall" is a theatrical term for when someone in a play, TV show, or movie addresses the audience directly. The phrase is a reference to the fact that a stage set usually has three physical walls and the audience observes the story from behind the invisible fourth wall.
(The instances listed below are in addition to the introductory statements that Jerri makes at the beginning of the first season episodes and the summations that she makes at the end, when she recounts what she's "learned this week.")
- Old Habits, New Beginnings hot fruit, meat, and a cheeseball are to be served at Jerri Blank's memorial party for the late Poppy Downes.
- Old Habits, New Beginnings Sara suggests having the Widows League bring casseroles as comfort food to the Downeses if Poppy didn't recover.
- Dreams on the Rocks Sara gives Jerri a ham.
- Who Wants Cake? Jerri gets some barbecued ribs out of a vending machine.
- Who Wants Cake? Sara, knowing that Jerri couldn't eat these things because of her new braces, prepared beef jerky, corn on the cob, and candy apples for dinner.
- Who Wants Cake? Kimberly eats a piece of cake as Jerri runs out of Blackman's office.
- Feather in the Storm Blackman and Carne, a member of his custodial staff, enjoy some precoital fondue in his office. Well, Carne doesn't actually get any of the potatoes dipped in caramel because Jerri enters the office and interrupts.
- Feather in the Storm Jerri, Tammi, and Toby enjoy empanadas, with gelatin for dessert, in the school cafeteria.
- Feather in the Storm The Blank family (and their meat man) enjoy a fine brisket for dinner. Well, all of them but Jerri, who is trying to lose weight so she can make the debate team. Jerri tosses biscuits at Stew as she storms away from the dinner table.
- Feather in the Storm Jerri's beloved pet, Suki, a Japanese Silky chicken, voluntarily bakes herself to save Jerri's life. And Noblet, Jellineck, the Blank family, and Stew all help to eat her.
- Jerri is Only Skin Deep Noblet fries various things in his Fry Poppa, and Jerri tries to steal one of his clam strips.
Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay:
- Retardation, a Celebration Jerri leers at Kimberly Timothy's ass, in her cheerleading uniform's miniskirt, "Damn, that's gotta be tight."
- Retardation, a Celebration Sears tells Jerri that "most gay people are retarded," then he encourages her to make a pass at Kimberly Timothy.
- Old Habits, New Beginnings Jellineck is surprised that Jerri is having a hard time fitting in at school because, as he tells her, "You have such a beautiful brother."
- A Burden's Burden Jerri calls Derrick "dick lick".
- A Burden's Burden Noblet and Jellineck have an encounter in a playground men's room. This appears to be the first time that they've met, however the two can clearly be seen
together at Jerri's Poppy Downes Memorial party in the previous episode. They also have an encounter in the park at 3:00 AM, and another at the Horizon Motel at the end of the episode.
- A Burden's Burden Jerri tries to seduce Tammi Littlenut at the Horizon Motel.
- Dreams on the Rocks Jerri says to Derrick, "You know you're gay, right?"
- Who Wants Cake? Jellineck sketches a nude Noblet.
- Who Wants Cake? Jellineck tells Jerri that "most gay people are retarded," then he encourages her to make a pass at Kimberly Timbers.
- Bogie Nights Noblet shows his class pictures from his trip to Greece, mostly shots of him in a skimpy bathing suit on the beach.
- Let Freedom Ring Jerri compliments a girl on the effect her tight pants have on her privates, "Hey there, Susie. Nice camel toe."
- Let Freedom Ring Jerri clarifies to Paul Cotton, "I like the pole and the hole."
- Let Freedom Ring Jerri insinuates to Derrick that he and P.John have been intimate, "Why does your finger smell like his ass?"
- Feather in the Storm Noblet and Jellineck both make separate references to Jerri about having the ability to eat half a cheesecake at 3:00 AM and not gaining an ounce. Are they referring to two halves of the same cheesecake? You be the judge.
- Feather in the Storm Jerri says to Lizzy Abrams, "I got a better idea, Lezzy. When the lunch bell rings, why don't you eat me?"
- Jerri is Only Skin Deep "You know he's gay, right?" - Jerri, to Yasmine about Derrick.
- The Trip Back Coach Wolf seems to get off watching Trish on the mechanical bull.
- The Trip Back Jerri calls Jellineck a faggot when they're both in jail.
- The Virgin Jerri Jerri checks out the virgins' butts as they walk away
- The Virgin Jerri Jerri calls Derrick a "sack wrangler" and a "scrote-lick". Shortly after, when Drake tells Jerri that he's sweaty because his band rocks pretty hard, Jerri responds, "Yeah, for a band that's got a faggot for a front man."
- Yes, You Can't Jerri talks to a blond girl on the steps behind the school and plays with the zipper on her sweater.
- Yes, You Can't The "How to Be an Artist" record that Geoffrey listens to skips and says, "You are a... fruit, fruit, fruit."
- Behind Blank Eyes After they fail to intimidate Alan by threating him with a papercut and lemon juice, Derrick suggests that he, P.John, and Trake "...go watch some gay porn to get our hate back."
- Hit and Run Jellineck plans a winter picnic in the park with Noblet complete with portabello mushroom sandwiches, brie, and macaroons to celebrate their nine month anniversary. There's nothing as gay as a picnic basket!
- Hit and Run Derrick brings his mother's car to the benefit car wash at St. Mortis specifically because he heard that they were serving hot chocolate. He had absolutely no interest in the bikini-clad teen girls.
- To Love, Honor, and Pretend Jerri calls Jimmy Tickles "Faggotus".
- To Love, Honor, and Pretend Noblet gives Jellineck some "hands on" bowling instruction.
- To Love, Honor, and Pretend Chuck reads a passage from the Bible, Leviticus 20, which condemns homosexuality.
- Blank Stare, Part 1 and Part 2 Jerri joins the Safe Trap love cult hoping to get love from one member in particular, Rebecca.
- Jerri's Burning Issue In this episode Jimmy Tickles has really been queerified (or is it faggotized? or homofied?) and he gets fag-bashed a few times for it.
- Jerri's Burning Issue Jerri calls Derrick "Sir Fags-a-lot"
- Jerri's Burning Issue Noblet passes his cold sore on to Jellineck.
- Invisible Love "PRINCIPAL BLACKMAN'S A FAG!!" is written on the side of the candy machine.
- Invisible Love Laird tells Jerri that hanging out with the guys is cool, but having a girlfriend is so gay.
- Is My Daddy Crazy? Derrick would rather read his Erotic Gladiator magazine than catch Jerri's sleepover guests in their nightgowns.
- Is My Daddy Crazy? Jerri tries to arrange it so she and her fellow female slumber-partyers are squeezed together in one small bed.
- Blank Relay Jerri tells Derrick that he's just a "rack of bones covered in a thin layer of fag."
- Blank Relay Jerri takes erotic pleasure in sticking a steroid-filled hypodermic into the firm tushies of her relay teammates.
- Blank Relay Derrick would rather watch figure skating on TV than burst in on Jerri's relay teammates when they were in her room.
- Ask Jerri Blackman says that if he didn't know better he'd think that the school paper was "written by a couple of middle-aged homos."
- Ask Jerri Jerri tells Noblet that "workin' for the paper's for queers."
- Bully Mr. Tidbits questions the sexuality and therefor discounts the accomplish-ments of the Greeks, Turks, Trojans, and Etruscans, whom he calls "fairies". He later informs Principal Blackman that "Socrates was a homo."
- Bully Mr. Tidbits asks Mr. Jellineck if he is a faggot, then says that he hates queers.
- The Last Temptation of Blank Jerri suggests that she and Fran paint each other's clitorises.
- The Last Temptation of Blank Jerri takes advantage of the noise and confusion during the destruction of the school to peek under a cheerleader's skirt.
"God damn it!"
- A Burden's Burden Jerri, in Blackman's office, right after he notifies her that he's giving Dizzy back to her
- Dreams on the Rocks Geoffrey, in response to Jerri's bad acting, and at the end of the play when Sara is hoisted to the rafters
- Bogie Nights ("Damn it, Jerri. New students lead to bad reputations") Geoffrey, in the music room
- Let Freedom Ring Chuck, in the shower with Onyx
- Feather in the Storm Stew, after Jerri refuses the brisket
- To be Young, Gifted, and Blank Geoffrey, after Jerri bangs on the timpani
- Jerri Is Only Skin Deep Geoffrey, after getting hit in the head with a baked potato
- To Love, Honor, and Pretend Stew, after Jerri interrupts his pre-coital canoodling with Sara
- To Love, Honor, and Pretend ("God bless it!") Chuck, after he discovers that Seamus has been playing with his Madame Prescious Dolls
- To Love, Honor, and Pretend Geoffrey to Cherri at the Noblets' dinner table, after Cherri calls him Mr. Clumsy Bones
- Trail of Tears ("Damn it!") Jellineck, backstage before the start of the Thanksgiving Turkey Pageant
Honor Roll in Noblet's class: (Dreams on the Rocks)
"I got something to say!"
- Old Habits, New Beginnings ("I've got something to say!") Jerri, at the dedication of the time capsule.
- Who Wants Cake? ("I got something to say. I got something to saaaaaaay!!!") Jerri, to the Pleasure Club members on the Good Time Island bus.
- Let Freedom Ring Jerri, just as Blackman is about to give Paul a suspension.
- To Be Young, Gifted, and Blank ("I got something to say. I've got something to say.") Jerri, at the Tri-County Music Championship.
- Hit and Run ("I have something to say!") Noblet, when he bursts into Blackman's office.
- Hit and Run ("I've got something to say!") Jerri, just before Blackman pins the hit and run on Derrick.
- Hit and Run ("I have something to say!") Noblet, in Jellineck's hospital room, right after Derrick is dragged away.
- Jerri's Burning Issue Jerri to Jellineck, Tammi, and Jimmy, just after learning that her viral contagion is off the charts.
- Is Freedom Free? ("I got something to show!") Jerri, when she presents her modified photo contest entry.
- Blank Relay ("I have something to say. I've got something to say.") Blackman, to Jellineck at the rally.
- Bully ("Before we get started, I've got something to say.") Jellineck, to Mr. Tidbits, right before their after school "fight".
- Bully Jerri, to the fight spectators, right before she opens up a can of "peace" on Edie Harley.
Besides the life and misdeeds of Florrie Fisher (see above), Susan Sheehan's book, "Is There No Place on Earth For Me?", and made-for-TV movies on Lifetime, Amy Sedaris, Paul Dinello, and Stephen Colbert were influenced by the following movies, TV shows, and ABC After-School Special installments while writing episodes of "Strangers With Candy."
Lexicon (a primer of Flatpointspeak):
- Accardo, Tony "Big Tuna"
(ä·kär'·dō) 1906-1992; infamous Chicago, Illinois mobster; may have been involved in the notorious 1929 St. Valentine's Day Massacre; one of Jerri Blank's influences (ep.3-08)
- Amway® (am'·wā) n. 1 a global leader in the multi-level marketing industry (according to their website); aka Quixtar®, Team of Destiny®, TEAM® 2 a legal pyramid scheme, likened to a cult and called Scamway by detractors; a career suggested to Jerri Blank by Miss Plog, Flatpoint's career counselor (ep.2-10)
- Aramapu (ä·răm'·ä·poo) n. fictional Native American tribe, was originally to be called Shingo Beak; the tribe of Jerri Blank's biological mother (ep.3-03)
- Arthur, Chester Alan (är'·thür) [1830-86] 21st president of the United States 1881-85; a target featured in the Presidential Assassin arcade game (ep.2-08)
bacon strip (bā'·kŏn strĭp) n. euphemism for female genitalia; Jerri Blank gets hers waxed before the Sadie Hawkins Dance (ep.1-05)
- BlackWear by Blackman® (blăk'·wār) n. exclusive line of free school uniforms, consisting of maroon shirts over maroon and gold camouflage pants; designed by Onyx Blackman and paid for by sales of Nutty Good bars (ep.2-09)
- blind man's jack-o'-lantern (blīnd mănz jăk'·ō·lăn'·türn) n. 1 a disorderly or confused mass; a botch up; a muddle; a mess 2 a pumpkin carved by a sight-less individual 3 the appearance of Guy Blank's face after having been mauled by rabid dogs (ep.2-04)
- blue-veined swayback throbber (bloo' vānd swā·băk thrä·bür) n. euphemism for penis (ep.2-03)
- blunderbuss (blŭn'·dür·bŭs) n. 1 a short gun with a large bore and a broad, flaring muzzle, accurate only at close range (ep.3-03) 2 a person who blunders
- Brimley, Wilford (brĭm'·lē) b. Sep. 27, 1934 in Salt Lake City, UT; Actor (Cocoon, "Our House") best known for hawking diabetes testing supplies on TV and narrating the audiobook version of "Retardation: A Celebration" (pilot & ep.1-04)
- camel toe (kăm'·l tō) n. [slang] the protrusion through tight jeans (underwear, shorts, bikini bottoms, etc.) of a female's genital labia, resembling the division of toes on a camel's hoof: Jerri Blank compliments a girl named Susie for one that she's sporting (ep.1-07)
- carb hole (kärb' hōl) n. an opening in the side of a bong; Geoffrey Jellineck notes that Jerri Blank's clay bong is missing one (ep.1-10)
- carpet (kär'·pĕt) n. euphemism for pubic hair
- charlatan (shar'·lä·tĕn) n. a person who pretends to have expert knowledge or skill that he or she does not have; fake; mountebank; 2 a town near Flatpoint, but spelled Charlaton (ep.1-09)
- delicates (dĕl'·ĭ·kĕts) n. genitalia (pilot & ep.2-03)
- drapes (drāps) n. euphemism for the hair on one's head
- d.t. (dē tē) [abbr. for delirium tremens] A violent form of delirium caused by excessive use of alcoholic liquors and narcotic drugs, and characterized by tremblings, acute mental distress, and hallucinations (ep.2-08)
- 86 (ā'·tē sĭks) v. restaurant code, meaning to cancel an order because the item is not available (ep.2-03)
- empanada or enpanada (ĕm'·pä·nä'·dä) n. Spanish word for pie or turnover; stuffed pastry (popular in Argentina, among other cultures) filled with meat, chicken, cheese, rice, and/or vegetables (ep.1-08)
- eschatology (ĕs'kä·tŏl'·ō·jē) n. 1 the branch of theology, or doctrines, dealing with death, resurrection, judgment, immortality, etc. 2 the study of the end of things (not to be confused with scatology, which is obsession with the obscene, esp. excrement; the study of feces or fossil excrement) (ep.3-10)
- fandango (făn·dāng'·ō) n. 1 a lively Spanish dance in rhythm varying from slow to quick 3/4 time 2 music for this 3 a foolish act 4 what V-I-C-T-O-R-Y spells (ep.2-06)
- Flair® (flār) n. 1 a natural talent or ability, or a sense of what is stylish and striking 2 a popular brand of footwear among wealthy and stylish teenagers (ep.2-10) 3 Damn, that's an expensive shoe!
- fontanel or fontanelle (fŏn·tä·nĕl') n. any of the soft, boneless areas in the skull of a baby, which are later closed up by the formation of bone (ep.1-02)
- freshness seal (frĕsh'·nĕs sēl) n. the thin mucous membrane that closes part or sometimes all of the opening of the vagina; maidenhead; hymen (ep.2-03)
- full release (fül rĕ·lēs') n. [massage therapy term] sexual climax, resultant from manual manipulation of genitalia; aka happy ending; what you get at Good Time Island with an "all access" pass (ep.2-08)
- G.A.S. (găs) v. motivational acronym, for Get your Aspirations Straight (ep.2-01)
- Glint (glĭnt) n. [made-up slang] home-made narcotic, created by mixing common household chemicals: resulting neon blue-green gel is spread on one's lips. (aka Glimmer, Glow, Satan's Harelip) (ep.1-01)
- hobgoblin (hŏb'·gŏb·lĭn) n. a frightening apparition; bogy; bugbear (ep.1-03)
- hobocamp (hō'·bō·kămp) n. 1 a makeshift ramshackle settlement for indigents 2 what V-I-C-T-O-R-Y spells (ep.2-06)
- hole (hōl) n. euphemism for vagina (ep.1-07)
- homunculus (hō·mŭn'·kyū·lŭs) n. a little man; dwarf; manikin (ep.3-10)
- iambic (ī·ăm'·bĭk) adj. made up of a metrical foot consisting of one unaccented syllable followed by one accented one (ep.3-08)
- laminectomy (lă·mĭ·nĕk'·tä·mē) n. the surgical removal of all or part of the bony arch of a spinal vertebra (ep.1-01)
L-Glutamine (ĕl gloo'·tä·mēn) n. the most abundant amino acid in the body. It is predominantly synthesized and stored in skeletal muscle. The typical dietary intake of L-glutamine is 5 to 10 grams daily and usually comes from animal and plant proteins. (ep.1-01)
- liberty bell (lĭb'·ür·tē bĕl) n. Jerri Blank's genital piercing (ep.1-07)
- love cave (lŭv' kāv) n. euphemism for vagina (ep.2-03)
- Madame Precious dolls (mă'·däm prĕ'·shŭs) n. 1 a series of collectible poppets representing different ethnic groups from around the world 2 a cheap knockoff of Madame Alexander and Precious Moments dolls 3 not playthings (ep.2-07)
- Mahabharata (mä·hä'·bä'·rä·tä) n. [Sanskrit: lit. "the great story"] one of the two great epics of ancient India, written in Sanskrit, relating mainly to the wars of the Pandava and Kaurava dynasties of northern India (ep.2-06)
- meat curtain (mēt' kür'·tĭn) n. protracted vaginal labia (ep.2-03)
- MMAD (mŭ·măd') n. acronym for anti-drug group, Mad Mothers Against Drugs (ep.1-10)
- Nutty Good® (nŭt'·ē good) n. candy bar popular in Flatpoint (ep.2-09) as well as in Quad Cities
- oncologist (ŏn·kŏl'·ō·jĭst) n. a doctor who practices the branch of medicine dealing with neoplasms; Jerri: "Onc, Onc!!! Like a clown horn." (ep.2-01)
- Opium War (ō'·pē·ŭm wôr) n. (1839-1842) begun when Chinese tried to end British importation of opium from India. The 1842 Treaty of Nanking ceded Hong Kong to Great Britain (ep.1-10)
- pachysandra (păk'·ĭ·săn'·drä) n. a hardy, evergreen, spurgelike plant much cultivated for ground cover; also called shade grass (ep.2-07)
- peyote (pā·ō'·tē) n. a small, spineless cactus of N Mexico, and the SW U.S., with rounded stems, whose buttonlike tops are chewed, specif., in religious ceremonies by Mexican Indians, for their hallucinogenic efects; mescal (ep.1-01)
- plug (plŭg) n. an old, worn-out horse (ep.1-01)
- pole (pōl) n. euphemism for penis (ep.1-07)
- Pol Pot (pōl pŏt') 1925-1998; Prime Minister of the infamous "killing fields" Communist government, aka Khmer Rouge, in Cambodia (1975-1979) (ep.3-09)
- poontang (poon'·tāng) n. 1 coarse vernacular for female genitalia (ep.1-08) 2 sexual intercourse
- puta (poo'·tä) Spanish word meaning whore or bitch (ep.2-03)
- quandary (kwŏn'·drē) n. a state of hesitation or perplexity; predicament (ep.3-08)
- Red Squad (rĕd' skwŏd) n. 1 mysterious ominous figures; boogeymen 2 orderlies from Wild Dunes Mental Hospital (ep.3-04)
- rigamarole (rĭg'·ä·mä·rōl) or rigmarole (rĭg'·mä·rōl) n. a foolishly involved, fussy, or time-wasting procedure (ep.1-01)
- Safe Trap (sāf' trăp) n. ominous religious "love cult" that preys on the simple-minded by showering them with compliments, hugs, and fudge (ep.2-08 & ep.2-09)
- Sands, Bobby (săndz) n. (1954-1981) activist who undertook a fatal 66-day hunger strike in 1981 to protest the denial of political status for IRA members by the British government (ep.3-02)
- scansion (skăn'·shen) n. the act of analyzing poetry in terms of its rhythmic components (ep.3-08)
- scat (skăt) n. 1 Date: 1927 : an animal fecal dropping; excrement 2 Date: 1929 : jazz singing with nonsense syllables 3 v. Date: 1935 : to improvise nonsense syllables usually to an instrumental accompaniment : sing scat (ep.3-08)
selenium sulphide (sĕ·lē·nē·ŭm sŭl·fīd) n. active ingredient in dandruff shampoos that specifically destroys a type of fungus called dermatophyte and causes a decrease in the production of cells in the top layer of skin, as well as the amount of natural oil (sebum) produced by the sebaceous glands in the skin. (ep.1-01)
- shake and seeds (shāk ănd sēdz) n. 1 remnants at the bottom of a bag of marijuana 2 anything or anyone worthless (ep.2-07)
- 69 (sĭks'·tē nīn) v. sexual act in which two people perform oral sex on each other simultaneously (ep.2-03)
- skeet (skēt) n. see scat; skeet has similar definitions, relating to both feces and jazz (ep.3-08)
- stringy paddle (strēng'·ē păd'·l) n. a violin (ep.1-09)
- tidbit (tĭd'·bĭt) n. a pleasing or choice bit of food, news, gossip, etc. (ep.3-09)
- timpani or tympani (tĭm'·pä·nē) n. a set of kettledrums of different pitches played by one performer in an orchestra (ep.1-09)
- trepanning (trĕ·păn'·ĭng) gerund the removal of a circular section of the skull with a small crown saw; the act of trepanation; trephining (ep.3-04)
- trowelling (trŏw'·ĕl·lĭng) gerund oral sexual act in which one person's tongue is applied to an orifice of another, like a hand shovel used in gardening or bricklaying (ep.2-07)
- tuck point (tŭk' pōynt) v. in building maintenance, the technique of repairing mortar joints between bricks, pavers, or other masonry elements (ep.3-04)
Monkey (ape, gorilla, simian, chimp) references:
- Retardation: A Celebration "...have the strength of an ape and no remorse" - Noblet warns Jerri about Kimberly Timothy
- Old Habits, New Beginnings "Boo hoo, I won't be dining with a pan-faced chimp" - Jerri to Orlando
- A Burden's Burden The original name of Orlando Pabotoy's character was Simeon, which sounds like "simian". His name was only mentioned once, in this episode, and wasn't mentioned at all in Old Habits, New Beginnings. We don't hear him being called Orlando until Bogie Nights.
- A Burden's Burden Jerri tells Jellineck that she made a monkey's paw of clay.
- A Burden's Burden Jerri calls Orlando "Bubbles", which is the name of Michael Jackson's chimp.
- Dreams on the Rocks Sara calls Jerri a "flying monkey"
- Who Wants Cake? Jerri's dental x-ray (in Dr. Link's office) is actually an x-ray of an ape's head.
- Who Wants Cake? "...have the strength of an ape and no remorse" - Noblet warns Jerri about Kimberly Timbers
- Bogie Nights "Talk your monkey ass off" - Onyx Blackman to Ricky
- Jerri is Only Skin Deep "Your country's ruled by monkeys" - Jerri to Orlando
- Jerri is Only Skin Deep "Why are you people so sensitive about your resemblance to monkeys? They're adorable" - Jerri to Orlando
- Yes, You Can't "Monkey clean, monkey do" - Jerri to Orlando
- Yes, You Can't "Even monkeys can finger paint." - Onyx, to Geoffrey
- Behind Blank Eyes "I want a man, not a monkey" - Jerri to Orlando
- Behind Blank Eyes Jerri watches a chimpanzee attempt to drown a duck on TV, then sees a monkey dressed up as a sheriff.
- The Goodbye Guy "You two are like a couple of chimps." - Jerri, to Orlando and Mr. Pinatubo
- The Blank Page Noblet has Jerri repeat the sound of the letters that spell her name. When she gets to the E sound of the letter i at the end, she makes a monkey-scratching-under-its-arms gesture and says, "Eeeeee."
- The Blank Page Noblet wonders what goes on in Jerri's mind, she just thinks about that chimpanzee drowning the duck.
- Hit and Run At St. Mortis Hospital, Onyx tells Jellineck's students to "act natural, no matter how strongly your monkey reflexes might kick in, telling you to flee from terror."
- To Love, Honor, and Pretend Jerri watches the wedding of Bonzo and Koko on "Monkey Danger", then she says, "Monkeys sure are stupid." (this scene does not appear on the DVD version of the episode)
- Blank Stare, Part 1 A video game called "Monkey Danger" can be seen next to the right of "Presidential Assassin", which Jerri plays before school, and "Cult Escape".
- Trail of Tears Jerri calls Orlando a "Chimpipino", then when he gets mad she asks, "What got under his furry skin?"
- Trail of Tears Jerri comments that the Pilgrims "didn't sacrifice coconuts to their monkey gods."
- Is My Daddy Crazy? Jerri has monkeys on her pajamas
- Ask Jerri Principal Blackman tells Noblet that he has to find a columnist who can relate to the students or his "monkey ass" will be off the paper.
- There Once Was a Blank From Nantucket Principal Blackman shouts, "Move your monkey ass!" as students evacuate while the fire alarm rings.
- Bully "Get your chubby chimp claws off the copper top!" - Jerri, to Edie Harley
- The Last Temptation of Blank During the destruction of the school Onyx says, "Get your monkey ass out!"
- The Strangers With Candy Movie Jerri has a picture of Socrates, Carlo Alban's pet monkey from when he was a kid, in her locker.
- The Strangers With Candy Movie Jerri watches an episode of her favorite TV show in which a chimpanzee hits another chimp on the head with a violin.
- Retardation: A Celebration Shelly, a turtle, dies after she escapes from the Blank house, during a scuffle between Jerri and her stepmother, and she gets run over by a semi.
- Old Habits, New Beginnings Shelly, a turtle, dies after being struck with a golf club and thrust through a plate glass sliding door. Also, Jerri talks about taking the alpha girls to a cockfight and mentions the donkey show she did in Tijuana, Mexico.
- Dreams on the Rocks Leslie, an albino python, escapes a tragic fate. The mouse that is fed to the snake is the only animal casualty in the episode.
- Who Wants Cake? Clausen, a lobster, ends up falling into a pot of boiling water during a struggle between Jerri and her stepmother.
- Feather in the Storm Suki, a Japanese silky, makes the ultimate sacrifice and bakes herself to save Jerri from her anorexia. "Sukulent."
- To Be Young, Gifted, and Blank Noblet's, I mean, Jerri's hands get mangled when she brushes the Blanks' cat Scabby's teeth. [Note: Scabby is heard, but not seen.]
- To Be Young, Gifted, and Blank Gregory, a woodpecker, takes on more than he can handle when he pecks Noblet's face inside his car. Noblet puts Gregory to rest inside the glove compartment.
- Jerri is Only Skin Deep Prince Weasel, a weasel (believe it or not), kisses the head off of chicken maiden Princess Clucker.
- The Goodbye Guy Guy Blank is devoured by the Mt. Valley Rabid Dogs.
- A Price Too High For Riches Jerri and Orlando sit in front of goats in the Faganocouloses' car.
- Invisible Love A fetal pig gets carved up in Mr. Gwinette's biology class and its organs are turned into a rebus love note for Tammi.
- Is My Daddy Crazy? Stew turns Noblet's class into an abattoir when he slaughters a lamb named Tony during his "Occupation Week" presentation.
- Bully Edie Harley bites the head off a squirrel.
Potpourri (Miscellaneous Miscellany):
- Flatpoint High's school colors are maroon and gold. These are the same colors as those of Sunnydale High on TV's "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and of Gryffindor House in the Harry Potter movies.
- The baby that can be seen in the first season opening down in the bottom left corner is Kent Alterman, the show's Executive Producer.
- When developing the look of Jerri Blank, the only thing Amy Sedaris told Costume Designer Victoria Farrell was that she wanted Jerri to look like a female golfer and the kind of woman who would own a snake. Going on that brief description, Farrell shopped in New York and suburban New Jersey thrift stores to find appropriate clothing, and she instinctively crafted the exact look that Amy had envisioned in her mind.
- According to Amy, it usually only took the hair and makeup artists about 22 minutes to turn her into Jerri Blank.
- During the original broadcast of the first season, Dreams on the Rocks and Who Wants Cake? had different theme music from the rest of the episodes. » listen «
- During the original broadcast of the first four episodes of the second season, the new animated opening had different music and Jerri Blank narration from what was heard for the rest of the series' run. Initially, there was a lot of resistance to the new animated opening from fans, so I told Amy, Paul, and Stephen that people were making a big deal out of it. They told me that a lot of money was spent on the animation, plus the device was conceived as a way to save the usual 45 seconds during which Jerri usually addressed the viewers directly to give a little bit of her personal history. I told them that I personally liked the animation because it reminded me of the openings of shows like "Bewitched", "I Dream of Jeannie", "Lost in Space", and "The Nanny", and I certainly agreed with the concept of using the opening as a way of giving the audience a little backstory, which was done on shows like "Gilligan's Island", "The Beverly Hillbillies", and "Green Acres". They were thus inspired to devise a way to combine the new animation with the first season's theme music. By the time the fifth episode of the season aired, a new and improved animated opening was in use. However, for the first episode that used the combination of animation and the old theme music, The Blank Page, Jerri's narration was different from what was used for the rest of the show's episodes. For example, when the animation gets to the part where Jerri is stealing a television her voiceover says, "Got a little crazy... did some more time," instead of the line that was to be heard in all episodes to follow, "I stole the T.V.... did some more time." Also, the first four episodes of the second season had one difference in the animation. When young Jerri is about to spraypaint the lockers, Principal Blackman (who would have to be in his 60s in the present day, unless this earlier Prinicipal was perhaps Onyx's father) was wearing 1960s "soul brother" clothes. These clothes were replaced for the fifth episode with a traditional business suit and remained so for the remainder of the episodes. According to the emails that I received, fan reaction was extremely favorable to the restoration of the original theme music.
Props and other items in my Flatpoint Museum:
On the day that the final episode, The Last Temptation of Blank, was filmed, I was fortunate enough to be allowed to rescue a number of items from the prop room that were destined to be taken to a New Jersey landfill the next day.
- Old Habits, New Beginnings: 1 "stunt Shelly" (plastic turtle)
- The Virgin Jerri or Is My Daddy Crazy?: 1 Pizzamania menu
- Behind Blank Eyes: 1 Flatpoint High School football coach's playbook (held by Coach Liss during the game against the Carlot Cougars)
- Yes, You Can't: 3 G.A.S. buttons (worn by Flatpoint students during Career Week)
- Yes, You Can't: 1 light blue G.A.S. survey card (given to Flatpoint students after the Career Week rally)
- The Goodbye Guy: 1 bloody burlap sack in a plastic bag (given to Sara and Derrick by the Orthodontist at St. Mortis)
- The Goodbye Guy: 1 human finger wrapped in plastic, 1 photo of a shirtless Guy Blank holding the "4 Horsmen Life" sign, which was also seen hanging on the wall in the TV room during the first season, and 1 photo of Guy Blank swimming (Jerri finds these, among other items, in a box of Guy's stuff during her quest to learn about her dear, dead daddy)
- The Blank Page: 1 green Cheerleader Tryouts flyer and 1 pink "Rescheduled" Cheerleader Tryouts flyer
- The Blank Page: 1 "Blackberry" car air freshener with a picture of Principal Blackman on it (this was seen in the bus at the end of the episode, just before Jerri causes the crash)
- Hit and Run: 1 police artist's sketch of the perpetrator who ran over Jellineck and tore off his face (drawn by Ward Sutton before the version that was used on the air)
- To Love, Honor, and Pretend: 1 green bottle and 1 brown bottle of Aass Ale (drunk by Noblet and Jellineck at the bowling alley)
- Blank Stare: 1 Safe Trap donation collection canister with neck string
- Blank Stare: 1 pink and 1 beige paper flower (made by a Safe Trap cultee)
- Blank Stare: 1 BU2FL-DRMR license plate (seen on the Safe Trap van)
- A Price Too High For Riches: 1 flyer invitation to Melissa's party, 1 flyer invitation to Orlando's party (seen on a bulletin board in the cafeteria)
- Jerri's Burning Issue: 1 box of Chocolate Scabies (seen on the Blanks' kitchen counter) to get Stew committed)
- Jerri's Burning Issue: 1 GENI-2LWRT license plate (unused; was supposed to be on the cab driver's car)
- Is Freedom Free?: 1 Teen Scene magazine cover featuring Buddah Stalin
- Trail of Tears: 1 photograph of Jerri Blank's Aramapu birth mother holding a pitcher of beer
- Trail of Tears: 1 drawing of a turkey by Chip Beavers (a copy of the one that was crumpled by Jellineck)
- Invisible Love: 1 set of 4 Chocolonic labels (purchased from a vending machine by Laird)
- Is My Daddy Crazy?: 1 Flat Pages (Flatpoint telephone book that Jerri used at Pizzamania to call Wild Dunes to get Stew committed)
- Is My Daddy Crazy?: 1 label from a bottle of Captain Stacks Rum (seen in Noblet's class after Mr. Kulivitz and "Captain Stacks" supplied the students with rum)
- Is My Daddy Crazy?: 1 Erotic Gladiator magazine cover (Derrick would rather read his gladiator magazine than spy on Jerri's slumber party guests)
- Ask Jerri: 4 different issues of The Donkey Trouser (3 copies of 1 of those issues; 6 total)
- Ask Jerri: 1 bag Fatty Salty Crispies, 1 bag Salty Crispy Fatties (items that Sara brought home from the supermarket)
- Ask Jerri: 1 boy scout shirt worn by Geoffrey Jellineck at the roller rink (this was actually a gift from Amy, Paul, and Stephen after a Wigfield performance in New York on May 14, 2003)
- The Last Temptation of Blank: 1 copy of the photograph of Guy Blank in a tuxedo (Fran used one to open Jerri's bedroom door)
- Not actually props from any episodes: 1 set of 4 mugs given to me by Amy Sedaris and Paul Dinello the first time I met them on March 10, 2000 (each shows the animated version of a "Strangers" character and has writing on the back: Noblet ""Happy Presidents' Day From the Noblets", Jellineck "Drama! I love it!", Jerri "May all your showers be golden", Blackman "I'm an obtuse man, so I'll try to be oblique")
- Amy, Paul, and Stephen also sent me autographed copies of the DVD's of the first two seasons shortly before each was released to the public
- 1 autographed copy of "Wigfield"
- 1 copy of Index magazine with Amy Sedaris and David Sedaris on the cover, autographed by both Sedarises.
- The Strangers With Candy Movie: 1 book of Flatpoint High School matches from the Teachers Lounge (I got this after filming my unbilled cameo as a Flatpoint faculty member on July 9, 2004)
- The Strangers With Candy Movie: 1 Strangers With Candy backpack (I got this at the Sundance premiere party January 24, 2005)
Random acts of mischief:
- A Burden's Burden Jerri pulls the head off of Tammi's clay sculpture.
- Dreams on the Rocks Jerri spits before getting on the bus.
- Dreams on the Rocks Jerri sets off firecrackers in the house.
- Let Freedom Ring Jerri crumples up a candy bar wrapper and tosses it on the floor.
- To Be Young, Gifted, and Blank Jerri tosses the laundry that Sara gave her into a trash can.
- To Be Young, Gifted, and Blank As Noblet and Jellineck are fighting on New Years Eve, Jerri picks up the fun bucket of assorted popcorn and runs into another room.
- Jerri is Only Skin Deep Jerri steals Jellineck's banana after he leaves the table in the lunch room.
- The Virgin Jerri Jerri throws a glass bottle behind her and smashes it.
- The Virgin Jerri Jerri adds a few "sprouts on the old acorns" in the ladies room at Pizzamania.
- Behind Blank Eyes Jerri breaks Sara's vase and blames it on Alan.
- Yes, You Can't Jerri steals Noblet's calculator.
- The Blank Page Jerri takes Noblet's shiv (letter opener).
- The Blank Page Jerri knocks over books, breaks cup, knocks contents of Noblet's desk onto floor, snaps pencil, while making a spelling breakthrough.
- Hit and Run Jerri tosses crumpled paper on the ground.
- To Love, Honor, and Pretend Jerri knocks tongue depressors onto the floor as she exits Coach Wolf's class after seeing Ronnie with Nancy.
- Blank Stare, part 1 Jerri drops "grape sodees" on unsuspecting mall-goers.
- Blank Stare, part 2 Jerri defiantly uses her index finger to touch Father's desk right after he tells her not to touch anything.
- Blank Stare, part 2 Jerri tries to charge $20 for paper flowers, instead of $5.
- Jerri's Burning Issue Jerri sniffs the marker.
- Blank Relay Jerri drops a candy wrapper on the ground, right next to a trash can.
- Ask Jerri Jerri steals a VCR from the AV department.
- Ask Jerri Jellineck scrambles the papers on Noblet's desk in the newsroom.
"Strangers With Candy" connections
TV shows and movies with the most appearances by SWC alumni:
- "Arrested Development" David Cross, Peter Lauer (director), Danny Leiner (director), Andy Richter, Alan Tudyk, Matt Walsh
- A Beautiful Mind Patrick Blindauer, Jason Horton, Ed Jupp Jr.
- Bewitched (the movie) Ken Hudson Campbell, Steve Carell, Stephen Colbert, Will Ferrell, Richard Kind, Amy Sedaris
- "The Colbert Report" Stephen Colbert, David Cross, Paul Dinello, Matt Lappin, Amy Sedaris
- "Curb Your Enthusiasm" Rose Abdoo, Stephen Colbert, Jackie Hoffman, Richard Kind, Joe Liss, Cheri Oteri, David Pasquesi [Cynthia Caponera, who co-produced To Be Young, Gifted, and Blank and was a co-writer/performer on "Exit 57", appeared in the 1999 HBO special Larry David: Curb Your Enthusiasm, which was the precursor to the series.]
- "Ed" Peter Benson, Adam Bernstein (director), Juan José Campanella (director), Erin Cottrell, Janeane Garofalo (original CBS pilot only), Tessa Ghylin, Jackie Hoffman, Jason Horton, Peter Lauer (director), Troy Metcalf, Jacob Pitts, Andy Richter, Amy Sedaris, Callie Thorne, Ginger Williams
- Garden State Jackie Hoffman, Ian Holm, Ronnie Kupferwasser
- The Great New Wonderful Stephen Colbert, Alexis Dziena, Danny Leiner (director), Bernie McInerney
- I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With Rose Abdoo, Richard Kind, David Pasquesi, Amy Sedaris
- "Just Shoot Me" David Cross, Richard Kind, Cheri Oteri, Andy Richter, Amy Sedaris
- The Ladies Man Ken Hudson Campbell, Will Ferrell, Mark McKinney, Tim Meadows
- Kinsey Pascale Armand, Dylan Baker, Roderick Hill, Marcel Simoneau
- "Law & Order"* Carlo Alban (LO), Ryan Patrick Bachand (LO,SVU), Dylan Baker (LO), Peter Benson (LO), Adam Bernstein (CI; director), Ross Bickell (CI,LO), Sophina Brown (SVU), Juan José Campanella (SVU, CI; director), Rich Chew (SVU,TBJ), Stephen Colbert (CI), Tanya Cornelisse (SVU), Luther Creek (SVU), Joseph Culliton (SVU), Jeremy Davidson (LO), Alfredo De Quesada (LO), Alexis Dziena (LO,SVU), John Eddins (LO), Joel Fabiani (CI), Janeane Garofalo (LO), Tessa Ghylin (LO), Karen Goberman (SVU), Thomas Guiry (LO,SVU), Joshua Harto (LO,SVU), Dan Hedaya (LO), Philip Seymour Hoffman (LO), Jason Horton (LO), Kelly Hutchinson (SVU), Allison Janney (LO), Sanjiv Jhaveri (LO), Ed Jupp, Jr. (LO), Brian Keeler (LO), Fred Koehler (LO), Jenna Lamia (SVU), Heather Matarazzo (LO), Bernie McInerney (LO), Jeremy Nagel (LO), Bebe Neuwirth (TBJ), John Ottavino (LO,SVU), Jacob Pitts (LO), Ellen Pompeo (LO), Derek Richardson (LO), Deborah Rush (LO,SVU), Jared Ryan (SVU), James Saito (LO), Stephanie Sanditz (LO,CI), Amy Sedaris (SVU), Zach Shaffer (LO), Marcel Simoneau (LO), Sabine Singh (LO), Maria Thayer (CI), Callie Thorne (SVU,CI), Chandra Wilson (LO,SVU), Eunice Wong (LO)
* "Law & Order" Key
[Note: a number of actors appeared in multiple episodes of the
various shows as different characters]
LO= "Law & Order" (1990 - )
SVU = "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" (1999 - )
CI= "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" (2001 - )
TBJ = "Law & Order: Trial by Jury" (2005)
- Nobody Knows Anything Ken Hudson Campbell, Stephen Colbert, Janeane Garofalo, Kristen Johnston, Richard Kind, Joe Liss, Tim Meadows, David Pasquesi, Mitch Rouse
- Martin & Orloff David Cross, Janeane Garofalo, Andy Richter, Matt Walsh
- "Oz" Carlo Alban, Dylan Baker, Bob Balaban (director), Peter Benson, Adam Bernstein (director), Joshua Harto, Frederick Koehler, Jenna Lamia
- Partners in Blues Jack Ferver, Greg Hollimon, Scott Jacobson, Julie Ana Klausner, Matt Lappin ["Exit 57" connection: Jodi Lennon]
- The Producers Randy Blair, Matthew Broderick, Will Ferrell, Richard Kind
- "Saturday Night Live" Stephen Colbert, Will Ferrell, Janeane Garofalo, Mark McKinney, Tim Meadows, Cheri Oteri
- Semi-Pro Kent Alterman (director), Will Ferrell, Tim Meadows, Andy Richter, Amy Sedaris (scene deleted), Matt Walsh
- "Sex and the City" Kevyn Aucoin, Dolores Duffy, Kristen Johnston, Sarah Jessica Parker, Jacob Pitts, Jodi Pynn, James Saito, Stephanie Sanditz, Amy Sedaris, Justin Theroux, Chandra Wilson, Eunice Wong
- "The Sopranos" Janeane Garofalo, John Hensley, Sabine Singh, Sarah Thompson
- Thin Pink Line, The David Cross, Will Ferrell, Janeane Garofalo, Joe Liss, Andy Richter, Sarah Thyre
- "Upright Citizens Brigade" Kent Alterman (producer), Michele Armour (producer), Adam S. Barta, Adam Bernstein (director), Randy Blair, Juan José Campanella (director), Alfredo De Quesada, Andy Richter, Sarah Thyre, Matt Walsh
- "The Wrong Coast" Stephen Colbert, Matt Lappin, Paul Dinello, Amy Sedaris, Callie Thorne
- Old Habits, New Beginnings The student body is shown an anti-drug film, Drug-Related Deaths, in the gymnasium [A.V. Club: That's Edu-tainment]
- Old Habits, New Beginnings Guy Blank watches an old, old boxing match on TV
- A Burden's Burden Jerri watches a film strip for unwed mothers [A.V. Club: That's Edu-tainment]
- Dreams on the Rocks Jerri and Sara watch Raisin in the Sun on TV
- Dreams on the Rocks Jerri plays Mama in the school's production of Raisin in the Sun
- Let Freedom Ring Noblet's class watches Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech on TV [A.V. Club: That's Edu-tainment]
- To Be Young, Gifted, and Blank Jerri is a violin prodigy and performs at the Tri-County Music Championship
- The Trip Back Jerri and Trish watch a woman get her fallopian tubes untied on the Surgery Channel
- Behind Blank Eyes Jerri pretends not to watch a chimpanzee drown a duck on TV
- To Love, Honor, and Pretend Jerri watches the wedding of Bonzo and Koko on "Monkey Danger" (this scene was edited out after the first airing)
- Jerri's Burning Issue Dr. Zorders shows Jerri a short film about sexually transmitted diseases [That's Edu-tainment]
- Is Freedom Free? Jerri watches a Buddah Stalin video on TV
- Trail of Tears Jerri plays the Indians in the school's Bi-Annual Thanksgiving Turkey Pageant
- Is My Daddy Crazy? The librarians show Jerri an old film about mental illness [A.V. Club: That's Edu-tainment]
- There Once Was a Blank From Nantucket Jerri scats for Flatpoint High School's jazz band, The Flat Notes
Words of Wisdom
- Old Habits, New Beginnings Noblet, to Jerri: "No one makes friends with a failure."
- Old Habits, New Beginnings Jellineck, to Jerri: "Go with what you know."
- A Burden's Burden Jerri, to Coach Wolf and Prinicpal Blackman: "It was easier being a single mother when I was neither single nor the mother."
- Dreams on the Rocks Jerri, to Craig Snow: "I'm dealing with this the same way I dealt with my own alcoholism and drug addiction... with lies and delusion."
- Dreams on the Rocks Jerri, to Craig Snow: "I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed...really hard."
- Dreams on the Rocks Jerri, to the viewing audience: "It's better to be a happy, gin-soaked grape than an anguished raisin in the sun."
- Who Wants Cake? Jellineck, to Jerri: "Most gay people are retarded."
- Bogie Nights Jellineck, to Jerri: "If wishes and buts were clusters of nuts we'd all have a bowl of granola."
- Bogie Nights Jerri, to the viewing audience: "Befriending new people can lead to having sex with your children, accidentally."
- Feather in the Storm Noblet to, Jerri: "Slim arguments come from slim hips."
- Feather in the Storm Noblet to, Jerri: "You can't unfry things, Jerri. You can't be something you're not."
- The Trip Back Sara, to the MMAD members: "You can't help a drug addict until they hit rock bottom. And sometimes it's important to help the process along. You dig a hole in the yard, cover it with sticks and leaves, put glass in their slippers... cut the brake cable to their car. The point is to help them hurt themselves."
- The Trip Back Jellineck, to his class: "If you're gonna smoke pot, be prepared to spend a lot of time laughing with your friends. Think about it."
- The Trip Back Jerri, to the viewing audience: "Never talk about your marijuana exploits in front of a undercover cop."
- The Virgin Jerri Coach Wolf, to Jerri: "You're a virgin as long as you pretend to act like one."
- The Virgin Jerri Jerri, to the viewing audience: "Virginity's a great thing to hold onto, as long as it doesn't interfere with your having sex."
- Behind Blank Eyes Jerri, to the viewing audience: "Don't encourage the handicapped. It'll only get them hurt."
- Behind Blank Eyes Blackman, about Alan: "The field of glory is no place for the malformed or abnormal."
- Yes, You Can't "Doctor" Iris Puffybush, to the Career Week assembly: "Dreams are a great thing, but y'know something, they take a lot of energy. But that's O.K. There's a job waiting for you down the block from your house that doesn't require a thought in your head or a hope in your heart. So come on down and work for the artificial flower factory. Why fight it? Okay? Thank you."
- Yes, You Can't Jerri, to the Career Week assembly: "It doesn't matter what you dream, it's that you dream. And that's my dream... to dream."
- Yes, You Can't Jellineck, to the Career Week assembly: "Dreams are for fools!"
- Yes, You Can't Jerri, to the Career Week assembly: "If you're gonna reach for a star, reach for the lowest one you can."
- The Goodbye Guy Jerri, to the viewing audience: "You never really lose your parents. Unless, of course, they die. And then they're gone forever. And nothing can bring them back."
- The Blank Page Jerri, to Glenn: "Maybe it's time to stop not doing what you pretended you can do and can't, and start doing the thing that you can't do, but can no longer pretend that you can."
- Hit and Run Jerri, summarizing what she'd learned that week: "You should always take responsibility for your actions, unless you don't have to."
- Hit and Run Noblet, summarizing what he'd learned: "You should never let your conscience trick you into owning up to the truth when there's still some chance that somebody might believe the lie."
- Hit and Run Jellineck, summarizing what he'd learned: "It may be an ugly world, but at least I have a beautiful face."
- To Love, Honor, and Pretend Bebe Neuwirth, to the viewing audience: "Half of all marriages end in divorce. That's over 75%. And the other 25% end in drunk driving deaths. Don't get married then drink & drive. It's a recipe for disaster."
- To Love, Honor, and Pretend Jerri, to Ronnie: "Babies don't cost money, they make money. Especially the little white ones."
- Blank Stare, part 2 Jerri, to the viewing audience: "If someone tells you that you're beautiful and that they love you, chances are they're just trying to brainwash you into being happy. Don't let them."
- A Price Too High For Riches Jerri, to Orlando: "Greeks are just Jews without money."
- A Price Too High For Riches Jerri, to the viewing audience: "You can be rich in friends or family or love, but the only thing that matters is to be rich in money. I've also learned that the poor are filthy, thieving people."
- Jerri's Burning Issue Jerri Blank: "Condoms are for cowards!"
- Is Freedom Free? Jerri paraphrases the words of Benjamin Franklin Jefferson Grover Washington Jr. ("The tree of liberty must be watered periodically with the blood of patriots.") by saying, "The sexier you are the more freedom you deserve."
- Invisible Love Noblet, to his class: "What Shakespeare was trying to say in West Side Story is that death is preferable to having your secret relationship revealed."
- Blank Relay Jerri, to the viewing audience: "Only losers do drugs... unless they help you win... then only winners do drugs."
- Ask Jerri Jerri, in response to a comment Sara made about a hillbillies rifle backfiring: "Poor Southerners are hi-LAR-ious."
- There Once Was a Blank From Nantucket Jerri, to the viewing audience: "You shouldn't let sexual harassment turn you into a victim. You should turn yourself into a victim so you'll be too pathetic for anyone to find you sexual."
- Bully Jellineck, after witnessing the confrontation between Jerri and Edie Harley in the bathroom: "Listen, girls. Violence never solves anything except conflicts. I know, I'm a pacifist. I pass a fist. Get it?"
- Bully Jerri, to the viewing audience: "Violence isn't the only way to resolve a conflict, but it is the only way to win one."
"You're lucky..." (Derrick to Jerri)