My Favorite Quotes from "Ugly Betty"

 


The Best of Wilhelmina Slater

  • From Queens For a Day:
    "It looks like Queens threw up."  (about Betty's disastrous makeover)
  • From Brothers:
    "Birthdays are the gateway to secret Santas and casual Fridays."  (to Marc, when she thinks that a party is going on at the Mode offices)
  • From I See Me, I.C.U.:
    "If I ate lunch, now would be the time to lose it."  (upon seeing Betty and Henry kissing)
  • From Zero Worship:
    "What is the hold-up down there? Last time I was in stirrups this long I brought home a blue ribbon from Palm Beach Equestrian."  (to her fertility specialist, before learning that she has a "hostile womb")
  • From The Manhattan Project:
    "I said gingham, and you give me Japanese floral-garden kimonos. And dragon prints, Margaret, really, dragon prints? After all these years? And thank you, Rodrigo, for the gift of white-face kabuki makeup. You really put the 'gay' in geisha!" (chastising her terrified Mode staff)
  • From Sisters on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown:
    "Marc, mince when you walk, not when you talk." (trying to prod Marc into getting to the point)
  • From The Passion of the Betty:
          Daniel: "Fortunately, Wilhelmina is available to step right back into her old job."
          Claire: "Over my dead body."
          Wilhelmina: "I couldn't have described your body better, Claire."

The Best of Hilda Suarez

  • From The Box and the Bunny:
    "It looks like we now owe you four thousand dollars... and fifty cents."  (to Gina Gambarro, after tearing out some of her hair extensions)
  • From Trust, Lust, and Must:
    "It looks like the gay version of 'Star Trek'."  (upon seeing the Mode offices for the first time)
  • From I'm Coming Out:
    "Oprah told me that I need to take control of my life. And then Dr. Phil told me that I need to take on a challenge. And then Rachael Ray made a pie..."  (to Betty, while explaining her newfound motivation to find a job)
  • From The Butterfly Effect, Part 1:
    "Thank you for the part of that that complimented me, but watch it for the part that slammed my sister."  (to Marc, after he refers to her as "Betty's younger sister")

The Best of Marc St. James

  • From Fey's Sleigh Ride:
    "A word of advice... be who you are, wear what you want, just learn how to run real fast."  (to Justin Suarez, when he was visiting the Mode offices wearing a Ralph Lauren vest)
  • From In or Out:
    "We should hit it with a bat... see if candy falls out." (to Amanda, after seeing that Betty has returned to Mode with Daniel)
  • From Don't Ask, Don't Tell:
    "You are officially released from beard duty. Consider yourself shaved." (to Amanda, when he tells her that she doesn't have to pretend to be his girlfriend when his mother comes to visit)
  • From Don't Ask, Don't Tell:
          Betty: "Where am I from?"
          Marc: "The Philippines."
          Betty: "Queens."
          Marc: "Don't give me that look... they both end in 'eens.'"
  • From A Tree Grows in Guadalajara:
    "You're as dead on the outside as you are on the inside." (to Wilhelmina, after she asks him whether he can really see laugh lines on her face)
  • From A Tree Grows in Guadalajara:
    "Hey, handsome, I'm giving you a ticket because you are smokin' indoors." (to Bradford, after Wilhelmina coerced him into pretending to flirt with their newly made-over boss)
  • From The Kids Are Alright:
    "I love this. You're back, and Wilhel-meaner than ever." (to Wilhelmina, after their triumphant return to Mode)

The Best of Amanda Tanen/Sommers

  • From I'm Coming Out:
    "You're booking a cruise? You can't afford to cruise the bathroom on the seventeenth floor."  (to Marc, after she sees that he's checking out the Island Boys Cruise website)
  • From Fake Plastic Snow:
          Amanda: "What is the first thing I ever said to you?"
          Betty: "Are you the 'before'?"
          Amanda: "Okay, the second thing?"
          Betty: (gesturing in faux sign language) "Are you de-li-ver-ing something?"
          Amanda: "Whatever."
  • From Sofia's Choice:
    "You showed up on a daily basis looking like a yard sale. Didn't even care. It's like you were genetically engineered without the fear gene. I gotta give you props. FYI, none of this means I like you or anything."  (when Betty was interviewing her for an MYW fish-out-of-water story)
  • From Punch Out:
          Nick Pepper: "Where do they keep the menus?"
          Amanda: "Do I look like I eat?"
  • From How Betty Got Her Grieve Back:
    "If Bradford is my father, that makes Daniel my brother, who I slept with... a lot, and that's the kind of dirty that don't wash clean."
  • From I See Me, I.C.U.:
    "Why is it always sadder when tragedy strikes hot people?"

The Best of Christina McKinney

  • From Fake Plastic Snow:
    "A heart for Wilhelmina, courage for Marc, and a brain for Amanda."  (to Santa Claus, while sitting on his lap and giving him her list of Christmas wishes)
  • From Swag:
    "The opera!?  She lives in Queens.  If she wants to hear fat Italian women screaming she can open a window."  (to Amanda, after she tries to trade season tickets to the opera for Betty's new Gucci bag)
  • From Filing For the Enemy:
    "They found oxycontin, heroin... It's like Rush Limbaugh fornicated with Amy Winehouse and they spawned you."  (to Stuart, after confronting him about the drug test she had performed on some of his hair)

The Best of Claire Meade

  • From Icing on the Cake:
    "Vodka and ice... hold the coffee."  (to Ignacio, after he asks her what she takes in her coffee)
  • From Backseat Betty:
    "Now, Hot Flash is just an insert, so you have some staples in your face... Oh!  But you've had that before."  (to Wilhelmina, while explaining the details of Willi's proposed cover shoot for Hot Flash magazine)

The Best of Henry Grubstick

  • From I See Me, I.C.U.:
    "I'm sweet like sugar, soft like suede, but unlike a piano, I never get played."  (to L'Amanda, the amorous weekend security guard at the Mode office)

Miscellaneous

  • From I'm Coming Out:
    "I love your assistant. I have the same one in beige."  (Fabia to Wilhelmina)
  • From I'm Coming Out:
    "I had a doctor... a Dr. Wong, on Spring Street. He give me the injection into my face, and, poof, ten years gone. And you can look 65 again."  (Fabia to Wilhelmina)
  • From East Side Story:
    Fabia:  "You must come to the ceremony. I won't be able to get married without my 'something old.'"
    Wilhelmina:  "With the veins in your legs, you already have your 'something blue.'"
  • From A Tree Grows in Guadalajara:
    "Pret-a-Poor-Taste!" (Tavares)
  • From Giving Up the Ghost:
    "Amanda, I knew Fey Sommers. I worked with Fey Sommers. I once made out with Fey Sommers. Amanda, you are no Fey Sommers." (Sheila)
  • From Burning Questions:
    "Hello, Ferocia.  You're certainly a hot tranny mess... Minus the mess, of course." (Christian Siriano to Alexis)
  • From Betty Suarez Land:
    "This ordeal has taken a terrible toll on Daniel Meade. He looks like some kind of twisted hunchback." (Suzuki St. Pierre to the "Fashion Buzz" viewing audience, after Betty emerges from Daniel's limousine)
 
 

 

© Tony Lagarto
 

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