Who's That PLAYGIRL?  It's the brilliantly funny cupcake queen! The Rather Hilarious           AMY SEDARIS By Christine Fontana WHEN SHE'S NOT BAKING CUPCAKES OR REDECORATING THE TAXIDERMAL animals in her home with friend and designer Todd Oldham, the brilliantly funny Amy Sedaris is guest-starring on shows like Sex And The City or performing on New York City stages. She recently put out a hysterical must-read book, Wigfield, with Second City pals and co-authors Paul Dinello and Stephen Colbert. Plus, the trio is bringing Amy's beloved Strangers With Candy character, Jerri Blank, the farcical ex-crack-whore-turned-46-year-old high school freshman, to the big screen in the near future! Amy recently dished with PLAYGIRL on dating, dudes, and dinner and with all the zany, chaotic and bizarre characters she's portrayed, in reality she's as warm and sweet as the cupcakes she bakes-and still hilarious as ever! PLAYGIRL: What does sexy mean to you? AMY SEDARIS: Confidence. Are you a romantic? It depends on who the other person is. Usually, I'm romantic in a thoughtful way. I'm, not romantic in the way where I'm going to light candles or throw rose petals on the floor. I'm more like, "What's your favorite dinner?" What is your idea of a perfect evening? Staying in and cooking dinner. Let's say I have a date on Friday, which I never have dates on Friday, then I love spending the whole day preparing for it. I like going shopping, and cleaning my apartment and cooking. I tend to enjoy more the preparation of a date than the actual date! And then when they come over, it's always to hang out and talk-it's always conversational. What's the best way to hook a man that you are very attracted to? Everyone has their strengths. Some people have their looks, some people have their humor. If I like anyone, whether it be romantically or even if I want to become friends with a woman, I can lock on to what their interests are and I can cater to that. I completely give them every ounce of my attention. I can always make time for that person and make them the most important person on the earth. It's probably very unhealthy! What is considered inappropriate or unlady like behavior on a date? I don't know if this has anything to do with being unladylike, but probably pretending to be something that you're not. Or if you want certain things to happen or you want to know about certain things, just ask them or just make it happen rather than being passive. As far as making out or having sex, I don't judge. I don't think it's unladylike to have sex, it's just whoever you're with. It just kind of happens. How is attracting a man similar to how it's done in the animal kingdom? [Laughs] The guy always runs off. It's like you get them and everything's great for a while, they're on their best behavior and then the male wants a variety. The male wants to go off and hunt and try different things while the woman stays home. That's probably why I tend to go after men that aren't available. You always want what you can't have. Then you get them and it's like, "Oh." You don't really want to play any more! What's the best way to let a guy down easy? I guess sleep with them for two weeks! Amy's Antics Deeper Inside The   Wild Mind of Ms. Sedaris   On MEETING men: "I hate being pursued. I like people who know a lot of facts and they know how to fix things. I always think that the guy I'm going to meet is either going to be in a hardware store or in the jazz section in a record store." On her DREAM guy: "A pilot or someone who isn't always in town." On her FANS: "It's a good mixture [of people]. I like the people that I attract. I think I'm just like them." On stealing VIAGRA: "Once when we were filming in a doctor's office, I took a bunch of [Viagra] and gave it to my friend and he took it and loved it! He was like, 'Can you get me some more of that?' I was like, 'It was a one-time thing. That's it, man!'" On the SELFLESS act of love: "I guess that's when you know you're in love...you clean up when they shit all over themselves." On the best way for a man to SCORE: "It seems like if [a man] wants to get sex from a woman, the guy really has to do the whole flowers and chocolate thing and really bust his ass to get it there. Like he has to really cater and pamper." On her COLLECTION of taxidermal (and real) animals: "Would you rather have a real tiger or a stuffed tiger in your bed? I'd rather have a real tiger in my bed!" Have you ever stalked anyone out of feelings of love? Oh, every guy I pursue I go after like Ethel after Jughead! When a lover dumps you, how do you check yourself out of heartbreak hotel? I would say pills and alcohol. Are there certain conditions where you won't have sex? No, I am usually not the one to say, "No, not tonight." What character have you portrayed that's mostly like you? Jerri Blank's a lot like me. Not the drug-wise and drinking and all that, but the way she thinks—like, certain things don't stick in her head. She's kind of child-like like that. I'm very much a person who reacts out of feelings rather than the facts. I don't think about the consequences, I just react immediately. It's the same thing when I talk. Usually all my characters like themselves a lot, I think because I like myself, and sometimes I like to do ugly people because they're pretty on the inside and they like themselves, yet they are unattractive but they're trying to be attractive. I like to play characters like that. I don't like to be pretty because it's just not as fun to me. You know, like being ugly on the inside and hating myself, it's just not fun. Is there anyone's ass that you admire? Well, Jennifer Lopez has a really good ass, I think. And Joan Allen—I love her. She has no ass, that's why I like it! Madonna has a good ass, too. And for guys, Phillip Seymour Hoffman has a good butt. What are your feelings towards full-frontal nudity in the movies? I hate it when people are really built, when it's really obvious. I like it when people don't have good bodies. I love that we got to see Kathy Bates naked in About Schmidt. I love to see people's bodies, but I want to see it, I don't want to see a flash of one. Like, I would totally do a movie completely naked if I knew I could get laughs on it. I would do anything naked if it was going to be funny-like what if you were having a serious argument with somebody but you were completely naked? That's funny to me, but the audience has to know that. Even if I did something really sexy and had like a really uplifting bra or whatever, that's like a joke because I normally don't do that. But that's really tricky because audiences don't always get it. You had a recurring role as Courtney, Carrie's publisher, in Sex And The City. Is it true that you had a crush on Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker's hubby? I think he's adorable and really cute. But it was a make-believe crush. David Letterman wouldn't let go of that one for the longest time. Yeah, we had that running gag forever. But once the baby was born, it was over. I can't do it any more with a child involved! Can you tell us about one of your wildest lovemaking memories? It's all a blur; it's all a blur! [Laughs] Let's see, the wildest...I had sex on top of a car once with a stroke victim. Is there a favorite place of yours to do the wild thing? Your place! Is it OK to mix sex with drugs? Sex and drugs are OK. I mean, I don't like it when people are high, but it's just a different kind of sex. Sex seems like enough of a drug on its own. But I personally don't like to be under the influence of anything and I would prefer the other person not to be, but sometimes it's fun, I guess. What are turn-offs for you? Turn-offs are fake contact lenses; any kind of thing to cover their car seat, like fur or beads, like you see in a cab; anytime you can see their underpants through their pants, especially if they're wearing white pants and they're wearing striped underwear; anybody who writes a queer letter to entice you, like writes a poem or an adventure, like "I'm going to take you here..." and it turns out it's the OMNIMAX or a place like that. Heavy cologne is a turn-off, men who get their nails done is a turn-off or pedicures, turn-off; a fancy, fruity drink, anything that involves cranberry juice, turn-off; vegetarian, turn-off; Pisces, turn-off! What about turn-ons? I'm usually turned on by the flawed. Alcoholics. Not that I drink but I'm drawn to that thing! Scars are interesting—you want to know how it got there. Any kind of disorder, weight problem, diseases, surgery, operations, fucked-up families, prison, anything like that but they're still going to have to be grounded and healthy in a way. But people who have a past, the misfits, some kind of oddity going on is usually a turn-on to me. One lung! [Laughs] What's the motto of Amy Sedaris? "It's easier to apologize than to ask permission." And "Never turn down money." I have so many mottos and I love hearing them, like "Got to be a friend to have a friend" and "Drinking kills feelings." And my Mom had "You lay down with dogs, you wake up with fleas." That's a good one, too.